Relationships are always on my mind.
Before I was married, I focused more dominantly on my relationships with the opposite gender. I mean, look at any young girl’s diary; and I’m sure its riddled with embarrassing stories about young love and how the writer ranks socially amongst her peers (see Mortified Nation). But now, with a ring on my finger and a happy husband in the other room, I ache for understanding about girlfriends and BFFs. As a married woman in her mid-20s, where do you go for advice? In the age of information, I’d be lying if I didn’t hopelessly wander to Google in the middle of the night searching for answers because I know a simple search will yield countless feature articles, personal stories (read: bitter diatribes), and psychological essays.
December brings reflection of 2014, and I can’t help but spend a little more time aching over what was lost than what was gained. It takes much more effort to create friendships of openness and trust than to lose them. There was a clear moment of defeat for me this year as I scrolled through social media and found one of my best friends engaged without telling me. (I could deviate from this and speak about the ill-effects of social media and how this age of information dithers relational skills, but you can listen to this one TEDx speaker’s opinion here.) She and I weren’t on the best of terms, but even then, I kept my fists up and fighting for normalcy…until I realized I was in the ring alone. And I could embrace anger and bitterness, however nothing masked the deep inadequacy I felt and still feel.
I touched on this topic in my previous post “not seeking bff,” and its something I continually revisit despite any declarations of letting go or accepting that circumstances simply (not-so-simply) change:
…having a best friend has been heavy on my heart after friendships broke off because someone has to move or another dates an asshole (don’t we all at some point?) and others — including myself — changed. We change our lifestyles or beliefs, and all of a sudden, the only common thing you share are the memories.
I wish I could settle this issue in my heart, but I sit here still aching and confused, and it would be misleading to wrap this blog up with “copy & paste” advice and pretending to know what to do. I’ve been attempting to string together words and ideas for the past 40 minutes, and I’m no expert at this. If I was, I wouldn’t be up at 5AM trying to convey my social flaws. I could say that releasing yourself from an unhealthy relationship is the best thing you can do (the overwhelmingly popular advice), but that definiteness gives me weak knees and a headache. How does one do that anyway? Or do you hold on simply waiting for the other shoe to drop? And additionally, are these drifting friendships the new break-ups of the happily married?
tell me: 